A Year LaterSeptember 24, 2013
I know many of you follow Cut.Bake.Stitch because you love baking, sewing, quilting, crafting, and just all things homemade. We’ve let you down a little bit this year, or at least we’ve let ourselves down. We’re trying to get back into things. Don’t think we’ve forgotten about you. Sarah and I talk all the time about what we’re doing and how we should take pictures or need to do something that’s blog worthy. (I’ve cooked very uncreative foods lately.) We’re working on it and promise more posts in the near future.
Today’s post isn’t about crafting, or baking, or sewing. Today marks the one year anniversary of our father’s passing. I couldn’t imagine today before it actually made it here. I’m sure as I thought about where we would be or what we would be doing over the past year, I imagined this day to be all sorts of things. I’m sure it changed as I went through the roller coaster of emotions the past year took us on.
Unfortunately, I know a lot of people who lost a loved one or friend to cancer recently, and while I haven’t sat down to talk to any of them about their emotional roller coaster, I can only imagine we’ve all experienced something similar. It’s a tough journey losing a loved one or fighting cancer. I would also like to note that I know a lot of people who have overcome cancer and are doing great today. I am so glad cancer doesn’t take away everyone who is touched by it. I feel a strong bond to those who have touched cancer either personally or through a loved one.
I have daily reminders in my life of my father, and I smile as much as I can when I think of him. Our mom gave us each a watch of our dad’s for Christmas last year. It was the most beautiful gift I could’ve ever received. I wear my dad’s watch everyday. My sister gave me a necklace with a little silver angel on it. That’s my dad. I wear him around my neck everyday. I feel stronger and more confident because I have him so close to me. Music remind me of my dad. He loved music, and shared it with us from a young age. Proud Mary is the clear cut song that reminds us all of daddy, but I have a few others that either make me laugh and think of him or cry and think of him. (I’m one of those people who listens to sad music when I’m sad, or watches heartbreaking movies when I’m sad. My husband doesn’t understand it. I wallow in my sadness. I find it healthy for me. Wallowing is therapy.)
I don’t know where your life has taken you over the past year, but I hope you take a moment to reflect back over the past 365 days and what you’ve done, what those around you have done, and what life is like today. For me, I don’t feel too different from a year ago today, though it’s harder to see from the inside. I mean, I feel different in that I miss my dad everyday, and I know there have been some big and small changes in life, mostly for the better. We have new babies either already blessing our family or soon to be, we are a closer and stronger family, and my friends are stronger than ever. I feel like I really know what’s most important to me, and of course I still feel like I have so much to learn and so much to grow. Of course the past year has held its fair share of breakdowns, tears, questions, and hugs. I’m sure the next year will have more of the same, maybe not as many, or maybe not at the same time, but this is a long, never-ending process. We’ll always miss him, mourn him, talk to him, and need each other, grow together, and share stories. I cannot wait to tell my baby about their grandpa. [It’s times like this I get the saddest. As I write about my babies not physically knowing their grandpa, I cry. We were lucky kids and knew all of our grandparents until we were adults. We still have grandparents alive. My children won’t ever have that, and that’s ok, but it’s hard for me, in this moment.]
I can only feel blessed to have had a father as wonderful as our dad. A friend of ours lost his mother a few years back. On the anniversary of her passing every year, he simply asks everyone to hug those they love, and tell them they are loved. That speaks volumes to me. I feel so lucky to have gotten to spend so much time with my father as an adult, though it will never have been enough time. I told him I love him, and I still do today. It’s important.
Tell those you truly love how much you love them today and everyday.
Thank you for being such loyal followers, through our ups and downs, our diligence and our slacking. We love you for loving us.